“Quiet Quitting” and a Life of Quiet Desperation
“The mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation. What is called resignation is confirmed desperation.” — Henry David Thoreau
I know what it’s like to hate your job. I know what it is like to dread starting your car in the morning and not want to go into work. I know what it’s like to stare at my car mirror with tears in my eyes because of the frustration I feel inside. How did I get here? How did I end up in a career that I hate so much. This isn’t my dream; I know what it’s like to work in a job that literally feels like a nightmare. Heck, I know what it’s like to hold back tears after an office meeting and cry in the bathroom uncontrollably before one of my coworkers catches me in the act. I know what’s like to feel empty and wonder, is this all there is? I know what it’s like to be forced to work your high-paying, or not so-high paying job and be miserable. I know what it’s like to literally pull yourself out of bed because you’ve got student loans, bills to pay, and mouths to feed. I’ve been there.
Courage to Walk Away
On the other hand, I also know what it’s like to have enough courage to walk away. I know the freedom you feel when you stop giving a fu** about other people think because they don’t pay your bills. They aren’t the ones that have to pop anti-depressants every morning just to get through a pathetic existence of barely functioning. I know it first-hand. However, I also have the experience of quitting one of most secure jobs on earth: a government job with a fat pension check guaranteed at the end of the dreadful rainbow. I know what it’s like to say: “This is it; I’m putting myself first for once.” I know what it’s like to take the biggest risk of leaving a life of security and trading it for the unknown. I personally walked away at one of the riskiest times in my life, and when I did it, I felt scared but I did it anyway. In the words of John Wayne, “Courage is being scared to death and saddling up anyway.”
What is the Quiet Quitting Trend?
The whole “quiet quitting” trend started on Tiktok and became viral, bringing awareness to the fact that employees no longer want to go above and beyond their required hours. Millions of people ascribe this trend and bemoan employers who no longer respect boundaries. Therefore, people are starting to do only what is required, or even the bare minimum. In some cases, people are completely disengaging from their jobs and disassociating from the hustle culture and “leaning in”. Many young professionals no longer want to climb the corporate ladder but are content with just getting their paycheck and working their jobs without any advancement.
Don’t “Quiet Quit”, Just Quit!
I get the whole “quiet quitting” trend and why it’s gaining more popularity in the age of burn-out and hustle culture. I totally understand that people want to set boundaries with their employers and not kill themselves over a company that hasn’t supported them. However, tbh- I’m not a fan of quiet quitting because it’s dishonest to yourself and your employer. I’m not a believer of “quiet quitting”, I’m a fan of just quitting. Just quit your job if you’re that miserable, but do it logically and with a plan. If you’re working a company that has a toxic work environment which doesn’t appreciate the skills and values you bring to the table, then just walk away. It’s that simple. But you would probably say, “No, you don’t understand that I have bills to pay. You don’t understand that I have a family to take care of, you don’t understand my credit and student loans.” No, I understand it full well and all too much. I walked away when I was four months pregnant with little savings and no plan, and I have ZERO regrets. When I look back on my resignation, I do so with pride, I often wonder why I didn’t do it sooner. I wrote about my experience with burnout, and this ties into this whole subject. I have zero regrets that I choose my mental health, physical health, and family over some job that was making me miserable.
Jobs Don’t Provide Deeper Meaning
There is a deeper message that I’ve noticed about quiet quitting, and I believe that people are just not finding meaning and purpose in their jobs. I also want to say that is too much pressure and expectation you are putting on a job. I used to think that my job should provide fulfillment and meaning to my life, and that should come with the job title. This is not true. If you are thinking that a job, high salary and a fancy title, will provide you with true happiness… think again. Your job has no responsibility to fulfill your every desire. Your job is there to provide you with an income to live. It is not the entirety of your life, nor should it be. Americans are absolutely obsessed with working, even working so hard that your friends and family end up being cannon fodder in the war of the working yourself up the corporate ladder.
“Quiet Quitting” = Life of Quiet Desperation
“Quiet quitting” is just resigning yourself to lead a life of “quiet desperation”. Henry David Thoreau in his essays describes someone who lives a life that stifles their true inner self and instead opts for security, sacrificing their inner happiness only to lead a life of quietly murmuring their way to death. Death of dreams, death of a life they could have had, death of meaning, death of true fulfillment… just a life of quiet desperation. Desperate to have a break from the monotony of everyday life. Desperate to use their talents and be seen. How does this relate to everyday life?
So, imagine there is someone who always dreamed of being an artist, a designer and bringing their beautiful work to people. This person has tremendous talent and even got into a prestigious art school due to their level of skill and ability to bring life onto a canvas. Then this same person who graduated art school got buried with a ton of student loan debt, and had to take the first job that paid enough to make their payments. Only to find this talented, wonderful artist is now working as a bill collector at a debt collection agency. No wonder “quiet quitting” is a more desirable option for this person. There is no level or measure of fulfillment for a true innovative artist to be working cold-calling people and taking 20-minute lunch breaks. How could this person feel like they are thriving and want to contribute more to their jobs. Their job already sucks and absorbs what little life is left within them and when they get home there is no energy left to draw and express their creative side.
Don’t Quietly Quit on Your Life
I understand why it’s a trend. But at the same time, “quiet quitting” at work bleeds over onto the canvas of your life. There are people who are “quiet quitting” at life, they resign themselves to stay put where they are instead of braving into the unknown and taking a chance. People said to me: “Quitting your job sure is risky!” To which, I replied: “Everything is risky. The riskiest thing you can do is to stay in a miserable situation.” The riskiest thing you can do is sacrifice your health and happiness only to find yourself in a hospital room because of a heart attack due to workplace stress. At that point, just wait and see how many of your co-workers show up in your hospital room, how many employers would check in on your well-being. When in actuality, 99.9% of the time, the people in that hospital room will be family members and really close friends that you invested a lot of time with. It won’t be an employer.
Make a Plan, Then Quit
I’m not saying don’t work hard, I’m saying that “quiet quitting” applies to more than just work, and if you don’t have enough courage to quit when you’ve had enough, then make a plan. I’m not a proponent of being completely reckless and cursing out the entire staff before you leave and burn down the building. What I’m saying is that, if you are practicing “quiet quitting” then you should start making a plan to escape. Start by updating your resume and making some calls to friends and former co-workers to ask if they are hiring. If you’re that miserable where you are genuinely contemplating harm to yourself or others, then you need to leave. There are no excuses. You have to walk away from that situation. Yes, it will be risky and you will have to muster up the balls to tell your boss that you quit. But you can make a plan to quit and do it gracefully, while pivoting towards something more fulfilling, and towards your goals.
Move On…When It No Longer Serves You
Aside from work, start making time for things you enjoy during your free time. Connect with people, text a friend you haven’t spoken to in a while and meet up somewhere to vent to them about what is happening. Look for opportunities to express your inner child and look for ways to fill up your mental cup. If you need to speak to someone about work, talk to a therapist or find a mentor who has encountered similar challenges. Sometimes the problem is not even the job or the field you’re in, it may be the company you’re with. Just getting away from a toxic group of people and moving to a new company may be all the difference you need to revive your mindset. If you’re ex works at your job and it’s just super awkward, then move on.
Find Meaning in Other Things Besides Work
Look for spiritual meaning and go search for it in a community, church, synagogue, or meditate and practice gratitude. Try volunteering for a charity or cause, seek to give back to others and take the focus off of yourself. Every single time I have volunteered or given money to a charity; I can honestly say with 1000% confidence that I always get back more than I have given. Helping others will provide meaning to your life and will fill you with great joy. I’m not suggesting that you should go to Tibet with a yoga mat and no possessions and start over as a monk. I’m saying as a friend, that maybe you should just take a couple months off and if you have saved enough money, then go travel- visit different countries and cities and explore for a while. In this job market, a job will always be there when you get back from your hiatus. But you will come back being restored and refreshed. Do some soul searching to seek whether the job field you’re in is actually the right fit. It may be that you are that miserable artist I talked about, and that you can actually do some freelance work as a side hustle that will pay more than the job, you’re currently in.
My last piece of advice is a famous quote from James Dean:
“Dream as if you’ll live forever, but live as if you’ll die today.”
Have big dreams, but also remember that life is too short to be living a life of quiet desperation and “quiet quitting”. Loudly quit, make a plan for escape, and dare to be risky.
Life is all about taking calculated risks, but don’t forget to live with fullness.
J.K.
Key Takeaways:
- If you hate your job, make a plan to either take a break from it, move to another career field, or apply for another job at a different company.
- Do things outside of work to provide fulfillment and deeper meaning.
- Level your expectations. A job isn’t supposed to provide everything, but remember that you need to take care of your mental, emotional, physical, and even spiritual health.
